Danimal

Apologies to all my fellow Doogy Houser wannabes, have been a bit buisy latley to do the blog.  While were on the subject, is blog not just a macho way of saying dear diary?  If so, I recon that the "J" stroke is the diary of a sosiopath.  Seriously Joosh, what the Fuck?  But I do enjoy, as long as I'm not the one drinking urine on the rocks, or getting hauled out of bars by the neck.

 

Anyways, the move back to Regina went well, have decided that I am not a long distance driver, really kind of sucks the life out of you.  I had a couple of days off (2), and then it was back to work.  They have me based out of Northgate for a bit, but the new Cornwall store should be opening on Monday (or so we hope).  The most grueling task so far has been the interview process, what the fuck is wrong with the youth of today when you cannot conduct an interview in a proffesional manor.  I seriously contemplated scalding some of these kids in the face with hot coffee.  The sad part is, some of them wern't kids, we interviewd a few people in there late 20's and early 30's, all of which had no clue.  But none the less we did find a few good ones. 

 

Cindy landed a job as well, she got on as a receptionist at Bellamy Kia.  We wiated a bit longer than we had hoped, but it worked out very well in the end.  A big thank you to everyone who lended a hand in helping us out.

 

As well we saw 300, as many of you all ready have.  Everything about that movie was spectacualr.  My new criteria for whether a movie is good or not is if it has elephants that fall off a cliff to there death.  Cindy rented Penquin dance or something like that, but I would have nothing to do with it, I simply asked, will any of the penquins fall off cliffs, or maybe will other penquins fight other penquins, and if so, will they stack there penquin corpses 10 feet high?  The answer was no, and I found myself playing xbox in the basement.  I also enjoyed the preview for Grindhouse, looks pretty kick ass.  I'm a big Tarentino fan, plus how can you go wrong with a chick who has a gun for a leg?

 

Thats about it for me today, my mind has been to full of work stuff to compete in the fucked up blog contest.  I hope to make it to training on Sunday, but may be stuck at work.  I did get a new cell pohne which is 527-2312.  I wanted it to be 326-4625 (D-A-N-I-M-A-L) but it was not an option, fucking sasktel.  But other than that, hope to have beers with everyone soon, and if youre down town post Monday, come and say hello, were located just off of the Scarth street mall enterance.

 

Stay out of the Brown,

 

Danimal

Word up honkies!  Its official, I'm ready to get the fuck out of this multi million dollar SES pool!  Be fore warned that this is going to drag on quite a bit, and viewer discression is advised.  I would also like to note to my loyal minions (you know who you are) that I decided to do this rant sober, and not piss drunk and angry.  So with out further a due, here is the week in review.

 

Started the week with a Monday evening hockey game, against the Tea Bags of Justice.  Everyone laughs at there name, and says how awesome it is, but these guys are a bunch of fucken dushebags!  There dushyness peaked when I was checked from behind into the boards going after the ball.  Luckily I got my elbow up quick enough, to absorb the boards with my face.  I finished the game with a sore neck, and was accused of being a diver by the guy who did it.  Apparently I really go all out when I dive, I mean I'm so good at it; I actually attempt paralysis to get a call, which there wasn't.  This piece of shit was maybe a buck o five soaking wet, long read hair, and you guessed it, full cage on his helmet.  The rest of the week was decent up until Friday.

 

Friday we played Tea Bags yet again.  I was looking to fuck start this guys face all game, and threatened to take his life, which I thought was a good choice of words.  But it was a close game, and opted to play for the win, rather than trade fisticuffs.  We lost a nail bighter which is fine.  The part that killed was everybody fucked off after the game.  It was seven o'clock game on a Friday night, maybe a perfect time for a team outing, a little bonding, and basically my last chance to go out for drinks with anyone from the team.  But know one sees it the way we do in Saskatchewan, or at least the way 90% of the Highlanders do.  You don't make plans after a Rugby game, in many ways beers afterwards are more important than the game itself.  It completely blew my mind how this city fucks with your sense of values, which leads me to Saturday.

 

I had been looking forward to Saturday all week.  Was going to be a good day at work, and the cold dish of rejection that Josh and his lady friend served up was finally out of my system.  More importantly we had a poker game lined up at the place I was staying.  Should be noted that I have gotten into playing quite a bit here and hope to get a few games going when I get back.  I bought Red Bull, for Jagar Bombs, and a sixer of the black stuff.  I figured we would play cards all night, and I would combine the two drinks just the right way so my heart wouldn't explode.  Half the guys ditched out, and a bunch of guys I didn't know filled in.  They really had no intrest in the game and went all in on almost every hand, and basically ended the game quickly, as they wanted to go to a pub.  A little choked, I put on my walka wear, and headed out.  The fuckers had the nerve of basically ditching us when we got there.  We went to a bar called Calies or something.  Imagine if Nile Sold his soul, franchised out O’Hanlon’s, and put a bunch of goofy shit on the wall, that’s Calies.  While there, I was reacquainted with my hatred of bartenders in this fucken waste land.  If a beer is 5.75 and I give you 10, you do not get to decide how much you keep, and how much you give back.  Get fucked Calgary bar tenders; you just got put on notice.  I stood around and enjoyed the many Batchelorette parties that were going on.  I've decided that when I die, I hope heaven is one giant bachelorette party..... but still I bet you Jesus steals my fucking change anyway!  Just because you gave your life for us, does not mean you are entitled to my tip.  Anyways we hung out there for awhile; I decided a change of venue was in order (starting to sound like Burch, or maybe the other way around).  We decided to go to a local gin joint called the Rhino, but it was lined up, and everyone fucked off.  We lost my room mate, whom I picked up from the drunk tank for taking a whiz in an alley.  I find it really comforting that this city has gang shootings, and a major car accident every week, but Calgary’s finest are down town on pee patrol.  I seemed to be the only one these days living by the universal wing man code (eat it Josh, still on for Monday I hope???) and went back for my comrade.  I had to pay 15 dollars worth of cover to look for a friend, to make sure he was okay, and had enough.  I hoped in a cab, and told him take me as far as $20 will get me.  He proceeded to try to get me to use my Credit card to pay the whole way which I thought was fucked up on his part.  I asked him to drop me off at a reasonable spot, but he continued on.  I assumed that he was being a decent guy, but he literally told me to get out at a light, and said this was it for me.  So 4 Jagar Bombs, 5 Guinness, and three beers later, I'm walking down the side of the road, trying to figure out where home is.  I contemplated beating the shit out of a guy who was drunker than me, as it might have made me feel better.  But decided that he was one of Gods magnificent creatures (were even Jesus) and let him be.  2 and half hours later I'm in my bed at 4:30, ready to pull out and blow my load all over this city and call it a day.

 

PS: No ill will towards anyone that lives here (that I personally know), just bitter.

PPS: Apologies to Cindy, and my mom who are probably going to read this.

 

Stay out of the brown,

 

 

Dan Riess hear by summons Mr. Josh Howe to Kangaroo court, upon arrival to Lethbridge.  His crime, abandoning his wingman, and violating tour conduct.  What tour you ask?  Given that he and I are both currently on the road, without permanent residence, while still retaining residence in Saskatchewan, constitutes and informal Tour agreement.  Pair that with the fact that we are both members of the Highlanders RFC, and both are working towards a common goal of strength and conditioning, solidifies my argument.

 

Mr. Howe and I had a steady work out regime going daily, and the overall fitness of the team was looking bright.... until Shannon came to town!  This prompted Mr. Howe to seek fitness elsewhere, alongside his lady friend, which ruined my weekend / tour.  This act of indiscretion clearly and blatantly violates the wing man agreement.  The agreement states that under no circumstances do you leave your wingman behind on tour, that you look out for each others well being, and make any sacrifice necessary.  Should the court need further reference I refer them to the trial of Bros. Vs. Hoes.

 

It is my plea that any action taken be swift, and cruel, and that it be documented photographically.  I ask for the Stone of Burden to be considered as a sentence.  I thank you for your time, and hope we can all put this behind us.  I look forward to your reply.

 

Sincerely,

 

Mr. Dan Riess

GOOOOOD Morning Vietnam, or any other war torn country were it doesn't make since to get up on the morning!  Week one of my Transition period is in the books.  As I may have mentioned before I am staying with friends in there spare room.  It's a nice townhouse in Southern Calgary, located in the heart of the labyrinth.  Were not talking that Pan's CGI bullshit either, it's straight up Bowie.  Every morning and evening is essentially a struggle to remember how to get out of here.  But I manage.

 

Week started off with a little car trouble.  We had been hearing a funny knocking sound for awhile now, and just elected to turn up the radio, a rather savvy move on my part.  The noise increased as my stereo broke..... bizarre.  I took it to Chinook Cal Tire, whom I highly recommend.  It turns out that my lug nuts (insert gay joke) were loose, and that my tire was minutes from falling off.  Sadly if it were the case, it would have been the second time it has happened.  I do not know how they came lose, but in preparation fro Rugby, I am going to assume those Grad dushebags had something to do with it!  Anyways, a new battery, two tires, by soul and dignity later, I am back on the road.

 

As well Josh and I have been working out at Gange Fitness.  I’m just emerging from the "what the hell have I been doing with my life" phase, and easing into a solid routine.  We are trying to prepare best we can for the sheer torture that Comrade Kydd will put us through.  Visions of Ian repeatingly hitting me in the face during slaps both fuel my drive, and keep me up at night.  If I were to have a montage, that would probably be the emotional feet at the beginning of the slow intro.  Followed by lifting boulders, and climbing mountains of course.  Josh has been filling me in on all the new guys on the team, and it sounds like there will be some competition, which is awesome.

 

With the Saturday workout in the books, it was off to Bottoms Up Sports bar to watch UFC 68.  After driving 45 minutes to get there the Sons o' Bitches wanted 20 each just to watch the fight.  I told them they were H-O-M-O, and we left.  Drove all the way back across town to Schanks, and well known Sports bar, to find have the bar curtained off and sold out.  Fucking City I tell you, I want to drink, eat, and watch a fight, is that too much to ask.  We decided to head over to the Bull and Finch, which showed the game for free.... illegally, as a single tear rolled down my cheek, I thought of home and ordered the worst Guinness I have ever had.  No head on it at all, and tasted like monkey piss (don’t want to explain monkey piss).  Shrugged it off and ordered a Canadian and the satellite broke or some bullshit, and missed the first have of the fight.  To boot, the kitchen had "plumbing" problems, and could not order for awhile.  In the end the fight came back on, watched grown men, beat each other senseless for money, and all was right in the world.

 

All in all it was a good week capped off with a good weekend.  If any of the staff at Bottoms Up Sports Bar on 17th are reading this...... you just got put on Notice!

 

 

PS.  What an age we live in were Spell Check recognizes Guinness and not Duchebag.

 

Peace in the Middle East,

 

Danimal

 

 

It seems that this blog thing is really catching on, and as usual I am one of the last ones to get a clue.  Since I have been somewhat censored through work email as of late, I figured this might be a good outlet for me to get some of the Fucked up shit that mulls (is mulls a word?) in my head daily.  But I do find it rather interesting that we all conform and jump on the technological band wagon whenever Steve Jobbs tells us to (you know who you are).  Anyways, on with it I suppose.......

 

As many of you know, I live in Calgary now (or at least for the time being).  It's a pretty cool city, decent Pubs, bars, and restaurants, and generally a good sports city.  More or less has two of everything (if not more), and does a good job of hiding there homeless people.  The major draw backs are it takes like 30min to drive anywhere (if not longer), and everything is freaking expensive.  But these are all thing that Cindy and I knew going in, and is pretty much the reason why we are leaving.  We are both maybe a little bit too comfortable with our jobs, but paying 250,000 for a townhouse just isn't an option.  So we packed up our shit and moved back.  Cindy is currently living in Regina living the Saskatchewan dream.... applying for Poggy, and living rent free (for the time being) with my parents.  I am currently staying with friends in Calgary for about three more weeks or so.  I am not quite done work yet, and the company did not see fit to pay my salary while I sat at home and played xbox (should have made thoughs demands in my contract).  So here I am, counting the days till I go home.  Our new Cornwall location, which has a great view of O'Hanlons (I shit you not) should be open late March to early April.  Basically I am going to live there for about two months, maybe I can drink all night and just sleep at the store (always been a dream of mine).

 

I am eagerly looking forward to getting back into rugby, and will commence training tomorrow.  I discovered Josh lives in the building next to me, and will join Gange fitness and train over there for awhile.  It sounds French so I am a little skeptical about it, maybe I should be more concerned about it being located in the basement of a Safeway, or so I hear.  I have been playing ball hockey for awhile, which is what the freaks her call floor hockey (I kid.... if you live hear and you are reading this).  It's allot of running, so hopefully my wind won't suck ass.  Other than that, I look forward to seeing everyone, training, hangin out with the wang out and doozeing it large in Regina!

 

Keep Fit and Have Fun,

 

Dan Out.........